on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
