Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I cannot find my penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
