Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
