Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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