Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize