Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
