i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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