is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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