bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
