Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
