i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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