i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
