he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize