is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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