is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just invented taco cereal.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
