You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
