Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize