he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
