i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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