Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
