yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize