I'm so fucking centered right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
