I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
