I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
