my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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