we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
