disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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