Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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