Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
