Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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