he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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