i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
