I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
