he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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