I think I died a long time ago.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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