i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When are your genitals available?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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