dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize