I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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