You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
