My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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