Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
