You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
