I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
