so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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