So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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