this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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