Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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