OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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