Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's great music for shaving your balls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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