I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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