you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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