I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
