I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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