apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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