this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
