Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
