FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
