it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
