Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
